Day 11

Well despite feeling like a lazy ass for basically the whole week and especially the last couple of days - i got home lasty night and forced myself in to my weights room and worked legs - i really didn't want to do it - then bill phillips voice entered my head "the things you least want to do is odten what you most need to do" so i went in and the moment i hoisted the BB on my shoulders A MASSIVE SMILE SWEPT ACROSS MY FACE and honestly took me by suprise - i was like "i love this" "why do i fight this" - so anyway - i had cancelled PT appt earlier as i was just feeling off, but felt better by PM and as i had no excues i knew if i didn't do it i would feel worse - so i took the bull by the horns and went up in all my weights and worked me butt off literally! Oh lord - lunges - will i ever LIKE THEM??? im thinking probably not.....

then had crap seafood dinner - was delish - dan cooked lots of stuff i shouldn't have had and i had heaps of all the bad stuff and none of my "good grilled fish & salad" just had the lemon pepper squid - OMG it was divine - some freshly cooked prawns and yep really did make an oink out of myself - im gonna have a little chat to him tonight about leaving that stuff until my free day so i can enjoy it "guilt free"! On a positive though - i'm doing these things i know i shouldn't but i have been analyzing them afterwards and thinking "how could have i improved that situation" for example - yesterday at work i went to run errands - i had to go in to the supermarket to by my boss a lip thingy - i was totally ravished and walked out with a small bag of cashews and these sweet potato chip things (which yes i know are decieving - i know they'd still be BAD!) - in light of the situation i thought 1. i could have ggone to the pharamcy to buy the lip thingy so i wasn't confronted with food, or i could have bought almonds! Easy. So i supposed it is a good thing that im forcing myself to look at things differently - slowly but surely i am wiring my mind to look at things differently.

So pigged out then went to bed - then when i opened my eyes still feeling sleepy, for a fleeting moment i had the "do i / dont i" thing happenning and u know what - i really just had to ignore it - and just get up and start moving - so did cardio and now am feeling a lot better about the whole week!@ On a down have eaten crap which isn't going to be helping me drop fat but i have completed ALL workouts and given each of them my all... so i really should encourage myself by focusing on the good and moving on from the bad.

Im feeling better just thinking about the good things i have done this week. I also just introduced a "family night" it's just me and dan but we're still family and i don't think we have enough "positive" us time - so i made the rule tues, thurs fri is our "family time" rules - NO BOOZE (mon & wed i train so never feel like it anyway) and this way he can have his beer and drink it too - without tempting me! Fri is our "finance hour" where we discuss why we're poor and try and fix it lol.... dan was actually receptive to family hour - i had a go at him last night and told him to pull his head in - he laughed until he realised i was serious - and he whole heartedly agreed and i think was even embarrassed about the lack of ambition in his life - so, in the end it was like leading a horse to drink because he wants to drink, he just needs help! I just can't let this cruisy attitude that dominated our relastionshiop continue - because not only does it pull me down but he is throwing away a perfectly good life! Now i know what i wish i had of learned a long time ago - sometimes it actually pays off to be a "nagger" at this stage i am more than happy to be labelled a "nagging wife" becasue if i dont nag things will stay the same and it will end it tears! and to be completely honest i am sbsolutely OVER IT!@

one thing i know is that over time if i keep making small changes BIG things will happen - but i just gotta take it one day at a time....

pheew that was a long post - but i think i will enjoy reading back on these a few years from now!@