I want to be the BOTTLE OF OIL

In short i want to be a bottle of oil...

Read on to find out why... Intrigued?? Just a little???

The other night Daniel and I were standing in the kitchen arguing because I said I would cook roast vegies, and then I didn't because I purely just couldn't be bothered; so the meal of grilled red emperor topped with roast veg covered in a lemon butter sauce was now a non event because I didn't get off my ass to cook the veg - I was upset because I didn't think he had any right to be upset with me .... He thought he had every right.... In the end he looked at me and said, it's like this.....

there were two little olive seeds & a big bottle of oil on the bench; he arranged the seeds and said; "at the moment you are this seed; you're playing such a small roll and not living up to your own potential; it all starts here, it starts with the vegies if you say you're going to do something just do it; and once you do this you'll do more and it will lead to bigger things; you can be the bottle of oil, you have the potential to do big things; I have had at least 4 ppl tell me this week that you are such a waste of potential, that someone with your passion and knowledge is just wasting it; the amazing thing is that most ppl who say the kinds of things you say have no idea what they're talking about, but you do, most ppl don't have the ability to do half of the things they talk about; YOU DO! YOU CAN BE THIS BOTTLE OF OIL" (and let me tell you it was a BIG bottle of oil!)

At which time, I though, my playing a small part is really not doing any good for anybody, even less for me; it was almost as if hearing it from Daniel confirmed that it was ok to reach for the stars, it was all the confirmation I needed, as dumb as it sounds I have been holding myself back so I don't leave everyone else behind; now im just like " watch my fucking dust im outta here, I WILL BE THE OIL BOTTLE" :) i always had this feeling inside saying "it's not ok to succeed - no one succeeds, drilled in to my subconcious via my run of the mill folks- even though i conciously know better- i mean, it wasnt just the oil/olive conversation; the conversation i had with a friend last week gutted me and i got off the phone in tears; then i dunno things just started falling in to place... got a personal trainer :) got moving and honestly have been to social situations drinking soda water and i feel good for it because i know i have nothing to prove to anyone :) its all for me and its all about me..... And i know that sounds selfish, but thats just how it is !

Have had moments of revelation so many times before and fall off the wagon, but i don't know, things just feel different this time... like it is for life, and not just a temporary way of being, as i know deep within myself now that if i live my life below my own standards i will never achieve the happiness i desire and i will not die feeling as if i have ever really lived, just as if i have existed, and who wants that? NOT I!!