Day 1

Today I started my FitLioness program; i was supposed to do a 1hr walk BUT it's pissing down with rain; so i swapped today and tomorrows workouts around and did my circuit today.

I LOVED IT! So eats all great and workout fantastic.

I spoke to my dad last night. Dad is from Croatia; all his family is there; he hasn't been home in about 20 years. He took us there when i was 4; i spoke fluently with his family and have the fondest memories. I told my baka when i left i was going home to Australia and when i grew up i would get a job and save up and go back to see her. Anyway; she's about 90 odd and time is ticking away and i still haven't been back. Anyway i told my dad i would go with him when his house sells.

This is HUGE for me. I just can't explain. Firstly, i haven't travelled over seas before and am SHITTING myself and secondly im going to have to take time off work unpaid to go; and i dont think Daniel will come with me and im in the process of getting a property portfolio off the ground... BUT if i dont go i'd never get over it and would regret it for the rest of my life.

Dad's paying for my air fares so i only have to fork out spending money; accom will be free with family. Im so excited i want to cry! I cant belive i will be seeing my family again. I've been dreaming about it for years!

I haven't spent any time with my dad in about 5 years; i saw him for one night 5 years ago.... we're not close; i love him becasue he's my dad but have harboured a lot of anger towards him.... anger... guilt... but i think going away together will help me heal. Its so horrible to love someone so much, but keep so much distance. I mean; i use every excuse in the world.... i live so far away... haven't had the money; and there is truth to it, BUT if i really wanted it i would have made it happen!

I am yet to break the news to dan; he won't want me to go but he will understand that i have to; i have my fingers crossed he will come with me. I would feel a lot better if he is there with me and it's such a special thing and i would love for him to be there with me. I cant wait to see my baka and all of my aunts and my cousins~! I really hope by me being there i will start speaking croation again too.

I spoke fluently as a kid until that trip. When i was there i refused to speak english (except to my mum coz thats all she could speak) even to english speaking kids, at the ripe old age of 4 i proclaimed "im in croatia this is what i speak" and that was that.... refused to speak to them in english.... then when we came home dad would speak to me in coration and i would reply in english; when he asked why i no speak no more.... my reply "cha cha were in Boulder now; i speak australian" little brat.... i wish he'd just persisted!

So am off for the dreaded passport photo tomorrow; im just going to have it ready and be on 'standby' he could decide to go at anytime and i have to be ready and rearing! (that's his mentality.... no warning) god gotta love it though.